There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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