Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
