I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
