I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
