We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
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