I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
