STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
