I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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