FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
