The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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