I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
