his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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