Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
