6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
