We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
