Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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