you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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