A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
