I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm at about main and main street
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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