That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
