She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
