I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
