Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
