My first STD was from a foam party
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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