omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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