i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
