Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
they need to just BURY HIM!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
