Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
