This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
