Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
