Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
