Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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