Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
