You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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