In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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