I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Just invented taco cereal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
