Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He? As in you personified your dick?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize