I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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