I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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