Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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