We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
