just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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