Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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