The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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