Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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