I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
