So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
