You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i think i have two assholes
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
