I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I need a beard to bite.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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