she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize