My cat gives me a boner
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
