so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
