I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
