when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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