I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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