Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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