Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize