He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
FUCK WHALES
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