my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
