Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
