wrigley field is MILF paradise
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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