You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Princesses don't give blow jobs
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
