when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Randomize