I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
