first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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