don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
