I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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