Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
