Please, let me fuck your mom
I think I am morally bankrupt
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
