2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Where did you get a picture of my penis
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
