LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They took my balls.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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