you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Holy sore nipples Batman
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
