I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
